Okay so. The other night, as you know, (If you don't go read my last post, I'll wait..... Okay good now you're caught up, right?) I went to go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One. At twelve fifteen, in costume. Yeah. I was Lavender Brown.
Someone with brown hair was skating into the park. I recognized that tall build and light frame. I smiled to myself and bit my lip. a couple of memories were flooding my brain, all about one individual: a boy named Jackson.
The name made me smile. He saw me immediately, and watched me intently. I cocked my head at him, reluctant to look away.
He walked over to me, tucking his skateboard under his left arm, smiling slightly as we came. I didn’t slow down my swing, but instead sped up. For some reason I wanted especially to be up in the air when he came.
“Hey,” he said, staring up at me as he set his skateboard by one of the swing posts.
I smiled at him. “Hey,” a million thoughts crowded into my mind, most of them telling me not to be stupid in front of him. I wondered why not…
“What are you doing here?” I asked him. He didn’t answer immediately. My mind shrugged to itself.
“Just… out and about… skating…” he said noncommittally. I didn’t press him further. He sat down on the swing next to me and began to pump his long legs.
I started to remember why I didn’t want to look idiotic in front of this boy. He… swayed me… it was an incredible feeling, like someone had filled me up with helium and let me go like a balloon.
Jackson was all but oblivious to my light feeling, and caught up with me in height. Neither of us said anything for a while, just taking in the November day.
I closed my eyes again. breathing through my mouth. I smiled to myself, almost forgetting that Jackson was still there.
“Um… Addie? Are you okay?” He asked me. I jumped.
“Um yeah… I’m fine,” I don’t know what came over me just then, maybe there was something just then in the breeze, or it was the way his sea green eyes looked at me. but I spilled.
“I have something totally and utterly crazy to tell you. Something that you’re not going to believe.”
Jackson nodded, but stopped pumping his legs, so he slowed down.
“Ever since Halloween…” I stopped for a minute, considering. But there was no way to turn back now. “I’ve started forgetting things. Everything. Lots of things. Almost everything.” Before I knew it I was rushing myself again, telling him about those two weird emails, and the one that must have been from him but I’d totally forgotten.
“And then even when you walked up you made me feel all funny inside and I didn’t remember why until I realized that it was because I really liked you and…”
I didn’t realize what I’d just said till Jackson almost fell out of his swing. Okay, so he didn’t almost fall out of the swing, he pretty much did. He caught himself though, luckily.
“Sorry…” I whispered. He laughed.
“Why?”
“I didn’t mean to say that.”
“I’m glad you did.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “I get that same feeling when I look at you too,” he said, shrugging, “Now what were you going to tell me?” He asked, getting back to the point.
“I just did,” I said.
“Right. What’s so weird about that? People forget things all the time!”
I hadn’t thought about that.
“Yeah, but not like this… this is crazy. I mean, right now, if you asked me what color my Dad’s eyes are…”
“You couldn’t tell me, right?” he asked me.
“Right…” I said slowly.
“But those emails said that you’re memories would come back, correct?”
“Correct… but I don’t have any reason to believe them, I don’t even know who they are!”
“Well, when you get home, google it, and then tell me what you find. I’m curious,” he said, shrugging.
I smiled.
“Okay,” I nodded. “I will,”
“Well hey,” he said, jumping off the swings gracefully, “I’ve got to go, but I’ll talk to you later?” he looked up at me hopefully.
I nodded. “Of course,”
Before I knew it, Jackson was gone, leaving me with that helium feeling and a few butterflies in my stomach. I wrapped my jacket around myself tightly, even though I wasn’t cold.
I pumped my legs faster, sailing above the ground.
Soon enough I was ready to leave. I was pretty sure that being outside had done me good, I couldn’t stand to be cooped up inside.
I hopped off the swing and tested my legs. They were slightly sore from swinging for so long, but they held me up. I walked and walked. I frowned, the row of houses I was trotting passed didn’t look like mine.
The bright green house wasn’t familiar. I didn’t recognize the bushes in front of me. I wasn’t sure whether to go right or left.
With a jolt I realized I’d forgotten how to get home. My stomach dropped into my feet, and my heart plummeted to where my stomach had just been.
I bit my lip. I had to get home. I had to. I struggled to recognize some sort of sign of home. I wasn’t having much luck.
I had all but given up when I saw something familiar. I light blue car coming down the road. A man in a tie and slacks was driving, his eyes wandering off the road every now and then. I smiled. Dad.
I flagged down the car and ran over to it. Dad rolled the passenger window all the way down.
“Hey there!” He said, obviously surprised to see me. “What are you doing out here?” he asked.
I smiled sheepishly. “Didn’t I call you?” I asked, equally surprised. I had called him… hadn’t I?
“Maybe you called Mom?” He asked, prompting me. I honestly couldn’t remember. I shrugged.
“Maybe so…” He smiled again and nodded. “You want a ride home?” He asked me, patting the seat beside him.
I nodded. “Yeah, definitely.”
I opened the door to the car and hopped in.
“How was work?” I asked him.
He frowned. “I wasn’t at work,” he said, looking at me slightly and then back at the road.
Maybe now he would believe me. I decided to take my chances.
“I got lost trying to come home today,” I said quickly, rushing my words.
“I was wondering why you were so far out of the way.”
I nodded. “That’s why. I’m having trouble remembering things,” I said quickly. Rushing my voice. I pressed my lips together. What would he say?
Now it was his turn to nod. “I know. Your mother told me.”
I was sort of stunned. I mean, I’d figured she’d told him, but I didn’t think that he’d believe me. Did he believe me?
“So… you don’t think I’m crazy?” I cocked my head and raised one eyebrow.
“Of course you’re crazy, you’re my daughter!” Dad said, reaching across the car to tussle my hair like he always did. “But I believe that you can’t remember everything you used to. But don’t worry, it’ll right itself.”
Somehow he didn’t sound sure. I shifted a little in my seat. Why didn’t he know positively? That scared me.
I checked my email as soon as I got home, and saw one message from Jackson.
What did you find? He had written. I sighed. What on earth did he mean? I looked down the list of my other emails, falling on the emails from the mysterious ‘medifacts’ person.
I smiled. Okay, I thought to myself. Here we go. I opened up a Google page and typed in ‘Medifacts, Vanderbuilt’ I got a bunch of mumbo jumbo on things that made no sense and had nothing to do with me.
I checked the spelling and found my mistake. I tried again, this time putting in ‘Medifacts, Vanderbilt,” instead.
This time a bunch of medical information came up, and I had to sift through it carefully. I remembered vaguely something that had to do with a spot I had seen on TV. Something about a hospital who was trying to ‘fix’ children with terrible and silly fears.
Something in my brain clicked dully, like I was trying to see through mud. Somehow I knew that I had figured out what was going on in my brain, but I wasn’t quite sure how to make it make sense.
Everything in my head was still all jumbled up. I snagged a few links from the search and sent them to Jackson, putting a small close up at the end.
Ps. It was great to talk to you today.
To clingy? Not good? I didn’t give myself the time to think about it before I pressed send.
I threw myself down on my bed, thinking about what to do next. I grabbed the phone next to me and dialed up Della.
Or at least I tried to.
“Hello?” an old voice answered.
“Is Della there?” I asked, confused.
“No… this is Mary and Walter Cummings…” The old lady said.
“Oh, I’m sorry, wrong number.” I hung up the phone quickly.
Of course I would have forgotten Dell’s phone number too.
I sighed. I thundered downstairs where my dad was watching TV (Mom still hadn’t gotten home yet) and grabbed the phone book off the kitchen counter. I flipped through it to the Gs.
Grimmauldi, Grose, Grynadale. I fingered the Grynadale number before punching it into the phone and pressing the ‘talk’ button.
I listened as the dial tone turned into a note-less ring, and waited for Della or her family to pick up.
No one answered. I threw my head back in frustration, wishing that I had someone to talk to.
“Please leave a message, and we’ll call you back as soon as possible!!” A cheery sounding Mrs. Grynadale chirped. I wish I were that happy.
I sighed. “Hey Dell, it’s Addie. Just wanted to say hey, and I was wondering why you made it sound like I backed out of the sleepover in your email…I thought you said that we couldn’t do it anymore?? I don’t know, just curious. Call me back, bye!” I tried to take some of Della’s mom’s happiness and put it into my voice. I don’t think it worked.
Chapter
The next day I stayed at home again. It was a school day, so pretty much as soon as I got up and dressed I sat down at the computer.
What to do first…. I asked myself, opening the screen with the curriculum on it. I decided on history, this being my favorite subject and the one that took the most time.
Okay… Ancient Egypt. What year did… I read through the problem, and looked back at my history book. NO idea. I just couldn’t remember.
Surprise, surprise. I told myself dryly. Of course I couldn’t remember this stuff. I couldn’t even remember out to get home from the park!
I groaned and tried math. Pi times… the what? Circumference… I couldn’t even remember what that referred to.
I closed down the computer and laid back down in bed. I closed my eyes just for a minute and almost fell asleep. What was wrong with me? I was never this tired! This teenager thing was really not paying off.
I sighed and went back to the computer before I drifted off for real. I opened it up and stared at the screen dryly for a few minutes. Nothing. I couldn’t remember anything about school. It was just gone.
I logged into my email, but as everyone else in school, no one was on and I didn’t have any new emails. I closed my eyes again and pictured myself in a box.
A small box. Boxed in. box me in, box me in. I sighed. It didn’t affect me nearly as badly when I was just thinking about it. If only it would be like that in real life.
I laughed a little at that, I’d been told that fears were either rational or irrational (and even though I couldn’t remember which was which) I knew that my fear didn’t make any sense. It was all in my head. Most of the time, small spaces wouldn’t hurt me. But in my head it wasn’t scary.
I opened my eyes and pulled up literature, hoping that maybe I’d have some better luck with language arts. I didn’t.
I was still glad that I had opened school back up, because as soon as I did there was a sharp knock on the door.
It was my mother, I knew it. My fathers knock was slower and rounder, like a smooth rock. Mother’s was as if a hammer was being smacked into the door frame. I must have jumped several feet in the air, but still managed to answer the call.
“Come in!” I squeaked.
Mom opened the door slowly and slipped inside taking great care to make no noise as she closed the door behind her.
“Mom, we have a slight problem,” I said softly.
“Yeah?” she said, and in that moment I realized how she wasn’t as strong as she was trying to be. Her voice cracked on that one syllable. She was like a tower of glass. You could lean against it and be fine, but throw a stone and you were in trouble.
“It’s just… I can’t remember the answers,” I said quickly, as if it would make more sense and be less maddening if I said it rapidly.
She nodded. “I know.” She said. She fumbled with her purple sweater. She pulled it closer around her and then threw it away, and then started again.
No apology for not believing me, no hugs and tears, just ‘I know’. I sighed and nodded at her.
“I can’t really remember… anything…” I said softly.
She paced the floor for a little while. Back and forth back and forth. Almost like she’d done it as much as I’d boxed myself in.
Sorrow pooled behind my eyes and I thought I might cry. I blinked back tears and rubbed my arms as goose bumps rose on them.
Mom stopped pacing and answered me again. “I know,” she repeated. I sighed, and the tears did come.
She ripped her thin sweater off of her shoulders and threw it on my bed before she ran out of my room.
I pictured her as the tower of glass again. I’d just thrown that stupid stone. I couldn’t have helped it. She had to believe me. What would happen if it didn’t?
I closed down my computer and went over to my bed, where Mom’s sweater lay tangled on my pillow.
I picked it up and sat down, untwisting the purple mess. I pulled it over my shoulders and laid down on my bed again.
So tired… I sniffed at the sweater; it smelled like my mother. I liked that smell, lilacs and roses, like her perfume. I closed my eyes and nestled into my pillow.
Before I knew it I was asleep.
I don’t know how long I had been asleep before Mom came back in. She was careful not to make much noise, but she had forgotten about the creaky board right in front of the door. Even if she hadn’t, there was no way to avoid it. That’s what woke me up.
I fought the urge to open my eyes and hop out of bed to greet her, but I was curious why she was here, so I stayed still, and tried to breath softly and keep my heart from beating to fast.
Mom tiptoed in and made her way to my bed. She sat down beside me and smoothed my hair over my forehead. She pulled her sweater tighter around me and tied it around my waist.
I could hear her tears and feel them hit my pillow like bullets that didn’t wound, just hurt. I swallowed back tears yet again.
“Why did you want this?” My mother asked in a whisper, her voice thick. “You asked for this. Why? What does this hold for you? What will it help? Baby…” she dissolved into tears.
I struggled to resist the urge to get up and comfort her. I fought the tears that were burning in my eyes.
Mom stood up and tiptoed out of the room.
I sat up in bed and checked the clock: two-thirty. I laid back in bed again, and before I knew it, I was asleep again.
Chapter
When I woke up the next morning I didn’t even attempt school. Mom left for her writing office, and Dad went off to work as well. I was left at home again, watching the TV.
After flipping through the channels for almost ten minutes, I finally settled on the news.
“Vanderbilt Hospital in Tennessee thinks they’ve got the answer for irrational fears,” The announcer said.
Irrational… I wasn’t quite sure I remembered what that meant, but I was pretty sure that’s what I had. So I listened.
“Scientists aren’t sure whether this is valid or not, but they believe that tragic memories have something to do with fears, memories that we’ve blocked so thoroughly subconsciously that we don’t think they’ve ever happened.” The TV cut off and the power in the whole house went out.
I groaned.
I went upstairs and got on the laptop. Logging in to the neighbor’s wi-fi, I printed out a map of the town and then went back downstairs and left a note for Mom and Dad.
I grabbed a coat and dashed out the door.
